Don't Panic

Perhaps everything in life should, much like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, come with a 'Don't Panic' sign. It occurs to me that people tend to freak out about things that haven't been decided or don't really matter yet. We can use BPA as a demonstration of that, but I'm pretty much tired of writing about that, and I also feel it's pretty self explanatory. Pretty much every study ever conducted needs to come with a Don't Panic label. In politics and finance ... we really need that label. Just about the only thing I know about the causes of the Great Depression is that the market started slipping ... and we panicked (I just found it very strange that the past tense of panic--with a c--is panicked--with a ck .... weird) and everyone tried to pull all their money out and save it, and then *crash and burn soundbyte*!! Because of this, I'm always nervous when the media gets all upset when the market goes down a certain amount that doesn't really have any context for me. So you can imagine how nervous I became when I come home to eat lunch and turn on the TV to find John McCain talking about how he is going to put his campaign on hold to work with the rest of the government to resolve our financial crisis.

I listened to that whole speech. Nowhere in there did he once say "Don't Panic." You laugh, but I'm completely serious. The whole CNN front page is exploding with Bush and McCain and Obama and CNN Money and oh look! The new plan they are coming up with is called the bailout! It's as if we are in a little rowboat, and there's a little leak in it, and we are slowly (or not so slowly) gaining water. Well, kids, I think we should name our 700 billion dollar plan after a little tin can an a scooping motion. Good Idea. Seriously. Why can't we call it the "Don't Panic--help out the banks" plan. So was this a bad idea to draw so much attention to the financial woes of the US by pressing pause on the presidential campaigns? I don't think so. It would have been better if he had told everyone not to get too excited! but it's still better than letting the bill go as is which was basically a few pages that said Paulson could really do whatever he wanted with the 700 billion. That makes me more nervous ... but I won't panic!

Don't Panic. We can apply this to many situations! Instead of making everyone 'evacuate' when a hurricane is imminent of the shores of Louisianna or Texas, we should call it 'don't panic, but get the hell out of there as fast as possible.' Don't panic. I feel it instills confidence. I tell that to new waitstaff at the restaurant. Usually they just glare at me, but I'm sure it works ....

Don't Panic. What else should we apply this too? How about conspiracy theories? Or that lady who videos a rainbow in the sprinkler water while voicing-over her fear of what the government could possibly be putting in the water that would make these crazy crazy colors ... But she's not even as bad as the people who believe that contrails from plane engines hanging in the sky are really 'chemtrails' created to poison or test chemicals on the good people of the US ... At least crazy rainbow lady had a more efficient way of testing/poisoning the American people. Don't Panic.

I really can't think of a single good reason to panic. My favorite German band--Wir sind Helden--has a song called "Endlich ein Grund fuer Panik." It means "finally a reason to panic." though, they're pretty vague on what that reason is. Something about trees and running and finding a new home and a heart beating. Sure, OK. whatever that means, it sounds like it's a pretty good reason. But I'm not doing that, so I'm not gonna panic. I'm pretty convinced that picking the best of two guys isn't going to end the world one way or the other, so I'm not going to panic about one or the other--even if they are going to take a week or two off in order to make sure the Secretary of Treasury doesn't buy a new boat with his 700 billion ... and even if the government actually is dumping fun things on our heads ...

Yes, this post was about the presidential race ... I think I came full circle, but ... it's 3 am ;-)
Oh yeah, and

Don't Panic.