Buttons

I was reading GQ again the other day, and came across the best shirt ad I have ever seen. It will be a happy day when I find a shirt ad more entertaining than this one. You are probably thinking, "Kendall, how is it that you have happened to post twice already about something in a magazine that you say you 'don't usually read'? Statistically speaking it isn't likely that the only 2 times you have ever read GQ are the 2 times you have written about it."

Well, friends, as I do trust your knowledge of statistics . . . I was in the doctor's office again, and again was fending off the baby magazines and Better Homes and Garden. The only choices left after these two were People and GQ. That's a bit of a toss up for me, but a near favorite joke of a few of my friends came from GQ (It involved a new-born baby, a pair of nostrils, and some hot water), so I went with that one.

I was reading about Peter O'Toole, and learning that guys seem to idolize the smooth talkers in old black and whites. Personally I don't get it and am fairly certain Gene Kelly and Peter O'Toole were probably just like the jackasses I meet today. Though, I might go for a spaghetti western Clint Eastwood. While I was learning about how amazingly cool Peter O'Toole apparently is, I happened upon the aforementioned ad, and here it is:

And just for your further entertainment, here's most of what was written in what was also the most verbose shirt ad I've ever seen--I left out the parts where they actually tried to sell you the shirt. And for the effect of the first line, you should probably go back and read the 'kick your dog' line again.

"It's happened to us too. And we know all too well that when a button breaks, it's like a slap across your face. But why? It's just a button, right? Wrong. When a button breaks, you might as well just chuck your relationship with the whole brand. Just flush it straight down the toilet. Because the button is more than a button. It's something you trust. Something that's supposed to do its job. Never let you down. It's an ambassador for the entire garment, is what it is. Representing the integrity of the whole shootin' match ... And when you look down at your Haggar shirt front after pressing yourself against an airplane seat to let a passenger off who's about to miss her connection, you'll find all your buttons still in place, still in one piece. No little half-buttons laughing back up at you, saying 'you know you're never gonna replace this button, man. You're no grandma with a button jar on your windowsill. The shirt's about as worthless as a rubber crutch. Ha ha ha!'..."

Dude. I can't believe I just read a 200 word shirt button ad. And I totally have a shirt with half a button on it! I wear it anyway, but every time I use that shirt, that button irks me. I love the ad, but it would never run in a magazine for women. Which leaves me thinking--there are so many magazines out there, and yet I find myself reading magazines aimed at guys: Popular science/mechanics, GQ aparently when I want a good joke, and I'm fairly certain Rolling Stone is aimed at guys. There's got to be a magazine out there for people like me. I'm sure I'm not alone because I know at least two other girls who think like me, and they're just the 2 with whom I've discussed it. I could go with Women's Guns and Ammo, but I don't think that covers everything for me. I want my unbreakable button ad! I'll keep looking, but until I find a slick techy/engineering women's magazine, I'm stuck with what I've got. Which I suppose isn't that bad . . . I'll just skip over the pictures of half-naked Rachel Bilson.